Niiiice.

Did you remember to subtract then re-add the super delegates?

Alright, alright, alright…

It’s an elementary act of deduction.

Every young Lothario needs a trusty albatross to balance out the wing man.

Silly breakfast mascot, everyone knows oatmeal is for sad adults!

You see, this is our Facebook thread now.

Just say no.

It’s not selfish if you neeeeed it.

The beloved, classic tale of a failing foreign culture saved by a white man.

At least Grant thinks they’re funny.

Some people see nothing special in sharing funny Internet videos, but they’re wrong.

Are you the kind of bad bitch who wears $500 t-shirts just because?

Four sneezes deep and you’re just a terrorist to goodwill and productivity.

Do you know anyone at the North or South pole who might want our fleece-lined boxers?

For a totally believable story you’re gonna need a truly embarrassing photo.

We would have crushed it in the 1770s.

Sometimes all you wanna do is slap a butt on a thumbnail and go the eff home.

Who talks first? And what if he’s wearing terrible cologne? And what if we get murdered?

If you want people to see your little “YouTubes,” you best throw us some dough, capisce?

Putting the “W” in “NSFW”.

Nothing we love more than hangin’ with our buds when we’re horny!

A-holes’ opinions are meaningless, unless there’s 500 of them.

Everybody knows earthquakes are more afraid of you than you are of them.

If you’re not sure you have one, you might be one.

You’ve got high standards, and we’ve got the high quality goods to match.

Isn’t that technically a microaggression?

It’s crazy to think that buffoon could ever win an election.

When spring turns to summer/And there are blossoms on the trees/The August air doth turn to ice/And all the women freeze!

What are we supposed to do, make normal small talk?