The Soup: Сезон 8

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• American Idol continues to power through the bat-sh-t crazy auditions, and Steven Tyler continues to power through the bat-sh-t crazy voices in his head... The Bachelor's Brad Womack stops by to ask forgiveness for his horrible actions three years ago...which apparently involved killing Joel's cat... Jersey Shore announces it will move to Italy to smush Italian women, and The Situation announces he will move downstairs so Ronnie can smush a drunken woman... RuPaul's Drag Race returns to your TV but forgets to bring its pants... And Oprah Winfrey's half-sister stops by, who evidently looks exactly like Adam Carolla...

• Televised starvation is back in vogue as Survivor returns to the airwaves, and one castaway is already running dangerously low on saliva... Charlie Sheen gives Lindsay Lohan life advice, which has to be Lindsay's absolute rock bottom... Computers begin their inevitable takeover of mankind when Watson the Supercomputer dominates some future human slaves on Jeopardy... Gold Rush Alaska's Jack Hoffman digs deep into his glory hole for the hottest nuggets yet... And Portlandia star Fred Armisen stops by to trade some gum and significant glances with Joel...

• Joel plunges into the deep end of the Charlie Sheen pool, but makes sure to cover his nose so as not to get any "seven gram rocks" up it... Rolling Stone puts Snooki on its magazine cover, and Rolling Stone's magazine cover puts a doctor's appointment on its to-do list... Things heat up on The Bachelor between Brad and Ashley, and by heat up we mean get intensely awkward and uncomfortable... America's Next Top Model contestants scribble pictures on scrap paper and then squirt their tears at them... And Charlie Sheen releases a self-help book to teach you to be as awesomely bat-guano crazy as he is...

• Celebrity Apprentice returns to your TV, as does the babbling vessel of bat shit insanity that is Gary Busey... Two and a Half Men disappears from your TV, unlike the babbling vessel of bat shit insanity that is Charlie Sheen... Entertainment Tonight airs surveillance footage of Lindsay Lohan shopping for her alleged stolen necklace, and it is far more shocking than most feeble minds can handle... The Real World heads back to Vegas for season number 25, and the recently de-virginized housemate Mike heads back to the Bible for sexual encounter number 2... And RuPaul's Drag Race says more with its crotch then it could ever say with its lips...

• The Bachelor's Brad finally picks the woman he wants to marry...or at least date for a few months before he realizes a televised gameshow probably isn't the best place to find real love... American Idol's Casey Abrams performs Smells Like Teen Spirit, which makes Kurt Cobain glad he smells like rotting corpse... Something called Rebecca Black "sings" its way onto the Internet, which makes Kurt Cobain glad he smells like rotting corpse... The Bad Girls Club gets a new housemate named Wilma, and Wilma's sheets get a new bedmate named urine... And Survivor's Phil shows us he's not just a former federal agent, he's also a current sleep groper...

• Hosted by Joel McHale and featuring guest appearances by famous and infamous presenters, we honor and showcase the unintentionally funniest people and moments in pop-culture.

• This week, Joel McHale weighs in on the latest Hollywood headlines including celebrities doing volunteer work for Earth Week, Kate Middleton's wedding gown designer revealed, and Donald Trump promoting his run for presidency. Plus, Gary Busey is booted off "Celebrity Apprentice," "Kate Plus 8" is back on the air, and David Hasselhoff has a new (and much younger) girlfriend. Then, the crew tunes into the strangest moments from "Gigolos," "Beverly Hills Fabulous," "Swamp People" and other hot shows.

• When a man wants to impress the woman he wants to marry, it's only natural that he gleefully mocks her breast size on national TV, right? Apparently it is when that man is bachelor William and he's roasting Bachelorette Ashley Hebert, who took the ribbing like a champ. And then broke down, weeping into her A cups in the wings. Don't worry, Joel McHale will make it all seem funny, plus he's stacked!

• This season's main plot device on The Bachelorette is Ashley Hebert's perverse, self-destructive obsession with duplicitous miscreant Bentley. Apparently the B-dawg's magnetic d-bag charm doesn't stop at the ladies, as your TV friend Joel McHale is about to reveal.

• Joel recaps the pop culture moments of the week.