Young Norman Binns is admitted to Dr Thorpe's ward and is tricked by pessimistic Roy Figgis into swapping beds so that Figgis can have the bed with the window view. As a result, Thorpe and staff nurse Gupte confuse the two men's symptoms.

Norman has to have an appendectomy but Figgis' doom-laden description of operations and Thorpe's wariness do not give him confidence, so he hides in the toilet, having to be coaxed out.

Thorpe is telling Gupte that his dog Victor is unwell but Gupte misunderstands and thinks he's talking about his son. The patients also fall prey to the misunderstanding, for various reasons each believing that they are going to die.

Glover has been seeing a Greek girl and panics when her violent boyfriend comes looking for him so Figgis wraps his head in bandages, claiming that he is a burn victim, setting up a series of confusions.

Fed up with the quality of the hospital buffet, the patients go on strike but are soon defeated. However, server Clegg decides to go on strike himself, but has his foot run over whilst on picket outside the hospital.

Norman is reading a hospital romance, when he sees new nurse Sally, who is exactly like the fictional heroine. He wants to express his feelings but finds rivalry in Glover, Thorpe and Gupte, all keen to pursue.

When Glover is discharged, an unhappy Figgis, without someone to quarrel with, goes to the pub, pretending to be a doctor and diagnosing people with terrible illnesses, filling the ward.